Desperately Seeking Justice

Last night, my husband and I went with some friends to see a movie called Restless Heart. The movie told the story of the life of St. Augustine. Most Catholics know of St. Augustine as the wayward young man turned bishop by the grace of the Holy Spirit and the ceaseless prayers of his holy mother, St. Monica. When the movie was over and the credits had rolled, my friends and I were left with the same question, “What about Calida?” Calida was the servant given to Augustine when he arrived in Milan to work as an orator for the emperor. Calida was a faithful servant to Augustine who eventually fell in love with him, and he with her. Although she could never marry Augustine because she was a slave, she devoted her life to him and eventually bore a son by him. When the child was barely a few years old, Augustine was asked to marry the daughter of a high official, uniting the two men and their power. Overhearing this conversation, Calida decided to leave Augustine and her child in order to serve the best interest of those whom she loved most. By the end of the movie, Augustine had converted to Catholicism, become the bishop of Hippo, and laid down his life for his home and his faith. Calida, however, had never been mentioned again. My friends and I were left with a pit in our stomachs and an ache in our hearts. “What about Calida?” we wondered. Our motherly hearts cried out for this woman who had sacrificed everything, that justice be hers. It is our natural human reaction to want justice. Just as my friends and I wanted justice for Calida, I have often found so many times in my life that I have been overwhelmed by frustration due to what had appeared to me to be injustice. What is justice, and when is it good? Justice itself is a cardinal virtue and therefore intrinsically good. But there comes a time when our desire for what we see as justice can be anything but good or holy. There comes a time when our insatiable longing for justice can be the very means by which our peace is destroyed. Take a child for instance. If a child is given a piece of candy and one of that child’s siblings comes along and takes that candy, and consumes that candy, the child will go immediately to his mother and cry out for justice to be served. The child wants his sibling to be punished. The child wants retribution. The child’s heart has lost its peace. His peace has been overthrown by the unquenchable thirst for justice. When is the search for justice not in God’s plan? When that search for justice overwhelms the soul and steals away the peace of one’s heart. As a mother, I have struggled throughout the years with the desire to be just. At first, I always wanted to be fair. If my daughter received a lollipop, I would immediately extend my hand to receive a lollipop for my son. If my son was offered a playdate with a friend, I would automatically find a friend for my daughter to spend that time with. I spent much of my days making sure that every opportunity one child received was also offered to the other. This constant quest for fairness at some point overtook my heart and claimed my inner peace as its prisoner. In all of history we see many times when injustice seemed to reign. Jesus Christ, the son of God, was born to a poor family in a stable in the night. As he grew, his family was forced to flee from their home in order to protect him from Herod whose jealousy and greed had set in his heart a desire to find and kill the child. As Jesus began his mission, his teachings were rejected in his own homeland and he was forced to preach in foreign lands. And finally, as Christ was undergoing his final persecution, his friends turned their backs on him, denied him, and hid in fear. Christ however, did not seek revenge, nor justice, against these people. Rather, he prayed for them and forgave them their trespasses against him. In my life, learning to allow God to be in control, permitting him to be the ultimate authority in dispensing justice, has brought me great peace. Knowing that I am not the judge and accepting that God is in charge of passing judgement on us all, has enabled me to grow in love and charity toward others. A great peace takes over ones soul when they come to terms with the fact that they are not the ultimate authority. When we realize and accept that we all must answer to our Lord and God for our lives, there grows a great peace in our souls. Accepting that I am not my brother’s judge has enabled me to release my records of the faults and failings of others and to focus on God’s will for my own life. Peace is a great gift that God wants to give to us all. There is a parable in the Bible that tells us the story of the vineyard owner who goes out to hire daylaborers throughout the day to work in his vineyard. At the end of the day, the owner gives to each of the workers a full day’s wage, beginning with those who began later in the day. Disturbed by the apparant injustice, the workers who had given a full day and been paid the same as the rest, begin to complain to the vineyard owner. But the owner refutes them saying that he gave them what was owed to them, and asks if he does not have the right to do what he chooses with the things that are his. The story of this landowner falls dear to my heart, as I am that laborer who worked the full day in the field. I am the laborer. At least I see myself at times as that laborer who has contributed a full day’s work. Often I have complained to the vineyard owner that what I have received is unfair and unjust. Many times I have wrapped myself in the blanket of self-pity, only to find out that this blanket does not give me comfort. Only when I am able to let go and allow God to be the judge and deliverer of justice do I find true peace in my soul.