Well, it's here. The new school year is upon us. I walk into the grocery store and I see the joy on all of the mother's faces. I see their freshly polished nails and their perfect ponytails, and their skimpy little workout suits and nice, new sneakers and I wonder, "Why me?" Their kids have all returned to school and they have returned to the six hours of daily freedom that they think is so important. As I check out with my groceries, the clerck looks at my items and asks if I'm shopping for back to school. "No," I reply, "we're actually having a birthday party for my son tonight." Then comes the next question typical of late August / early September... "Are you happy their back in school?" Of course now I begin to explain that although the children have begun the new school year, they are still home with me. "We homeschool." I explain. I receive a sympathetic look at first, but then she starts to think about the other Dracut homeschoolers. "There was another family who homeschooled," she begins. I know what's coming. I've found myself in this conversation so many times in the past, it's practically scripted. "Yes," I respond, beating her to the punch. "I know the Notinis as well. They're actually the reason I started homeschooling." Then I went on to explain, as I have so many times before, that when I met the Notinis many years ago, I was taken back by how polite and kind they all were. They were comfortable with themselves and they were comfortable in their environment. I had asked myself, "What makes those kids so special?" I had never even heard of homeschooling, but when I heard that is what they did, I knew immediately that this is what I wanted for my precious little girl. Now, sixteen years later, and ten more kids in tow, I find myself entering our thirteenth year of homeschool. Day one went okay considering that we had just returned from a four day camping trip, there were hardly any groceries in the house and even less school books, and the laundry was piled up to the ceiling. By day two, my outlook was not quite so good. In fact, by lunch time I was in tears and plotting my survival in the local school system. I was begging God to show me how to make public school work, to provide me with an "out" and save me from the chaos of another year of homeschooling. To save the kids from another year of school with mom being disorganized and holding them back from their potential. I was certain that anything, even the local schools, would be better for them and for me than what we were doing. So I decided to call off school for the rest of the week to get my ducks in a row. "We'll start over on MOnday." I told myself. And I spent the next couple of days cleaning laundry, writing lesson plans, and buying groceries. This brings me back to that supermarket this morning and my conversation with the clerk. "So why do you homeschool?" she asked. I thought for a moment, and I finally decided on my reason for this week. "Because I am against big government," I replied, "and I don't want them influencing my children." Funny. I've never used that reason before. It had never been the thought first in my mind when asked about homeschooling. Perhaps because I watched Obama abd Biden speak last night, or perhaps it was because of Kailah's realization from only one day at Community College that they are very biased in support of the democrats. I don't know what it was, but that answer resounded in my mind as I walked through the parking lot to my car. My conversation with the clerk had brought up some feelings that had been slightly burried in the business of life. First, that I don't want programmed robots for kids. I like the fact that my kids think independantly, get along with people of all ages and abilities, and find protesting abortion with their friends to be a noble cause and even a little fun. I also reflected on the programming of children taking place in the public school system and how I don;t want my children to be brainwashed by the liberal democrats of this nation. Then, as I put my groceries into the back of my van, an elderly man was walking by and he noticed my van and all the groceries and he said, "Big families are nice." He continued to tell me about his life with six siblings and how much he loves to hear from them today. Then, as he turned to walk away, he said, "it'll be okay." Why? I asked myself. I didn't mention that I was feeling down or overwhelmed. Why did this man say this, of all things to me today? But of course I know, God has a message for me, and for all moms who are overwhelmed, feeling inadequate, and thinking maybe the government would do a better job with our kids than we do. "Be steadfast and know that I am with you."